Yami, Pine, Mint & ReadyBrek
by Borath
Summary: When Yugi oversleeps, Yami decides to take over and get ready for school for him. For a very old spirit in a very modern world, it was all doomed to go terribly wrong from the start. Yami's POV.


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Yami, Pine, Mint and ReadyBrek. 

By Borath

(Yami's POV)

Yugi stayed awake until late last night doing homework and is still asleep. Can sense exhaustion so have decided to meld bodies and perform morning chores so that he has no need to awaken until we have reached school. Wish to do a good thing for him after spilling syrup on his head yesterday. 

First, shower.

Have alternated between scalding self and freezing self until mastered the heating mechanism. Water is now warm and hands no longer purple. Success. Will start with cleaning hair.

Too many bottles inside shower so will use soap which recognize as a substance used for cleaning. Soap is strangely liquid but will suffice. Have applied liberal amounts of soap to head and worked into scalp with fingers. Rinse. Repeat.

Soaps seems to be taking a long time to fully rinse from hair. Have considered possibility that some soap must remain to keep hair clean during day. Will prevent any more water from touching hair as fear that too much soap has already been lost. Will apply more and then leave alone.

Skin needs to be washed too so use soap again for this as am unsure what else is appropriate. Will start with face and then work down so that water carries suds down body and therefor makes washing quicker.

Eyes on fire and mouth tastes soapy. Will try again with eyes and mouth closed. Couldn't see anyway so little matter. Have slipped now that soles of feet are covered in soap and knocked head on shower tiles. Can see little Millennium Puzzles.

Millennium Puzzles gone now and water turning cold despite fiddling with heating mechanism. Shower obviously wants me to go away now as is deterring me from continuing.

Have toweled off remaining soap on skin and poked at white residue in hair. Soap does not appear to have soaked in properly yet so will leave for a few more minutes and then apply more to encourage soap adsorption.

Teeth feel fuzzy so will now use toothbrush. Toothpaste tube will not open. Cap is fixed with an ingenious locking mechanism that will not allow me access to the contents.

Have attacked toothpaste tube with sharp bit on Puzzle and succeeded in removing some of the contents. Have applied to toothbrush.

Discovered that brushing teeth with paste-covered-plastic is ineffective. Have cleaned plastic and put paste onto bristles to see if there is an improvement. Far more successful.

Have swallowed bitter white foam and wiped mouth on towel. Funny taste in mouth now and understanding has dawned on why Yugi uses mouthwash. Have found bottle and will use on self to remove taste.

Have mistaken pine disinfectant for mouthwash. Mouth is on fire and nauseating smell of trees is lodged in nose.

Have poured entire contents of toothpaste tube into mouth in hopes that mint will overpower pine and alleviate stinging sensation.

Was wrong. Mint and pine have combined forces and now mouth feels tingly and numb. Am choking on toothpaste. Have swallowed lots of toothpaste now. Vision has gone fuzzy.

Holy hell am blind.

Quick glance around self has confirmed that am not in fact blind. Was looking at reflection in mirror covered in sprayed pine disinfectant. Am uninjured aside from sensations in mouth and nose. 

Yugi is a hygiene freak among other things so is necessary to clean mirror before he wakes, sees and subsequently rips out my vital organs. Have been instructed in past to use special cleaner with spray attachment to clean said mirror.

Have really gone blind now. Apparently had nozzle facing incorrect direction and now cannot see through blood and tears. Entire face has become war-zone between pine, mint and mirror-spray.

Vision returning with aid of water found after painful five-minute-fumble. Mirror covered in water now which will dry and therefor be clean. No longer need to worry about mirror. Pain in eyes has made self forget about mouth and nose. Might survive to see 8am.

Hmm, Yugi entering puberty and therefor has started developing facial hair. Insists on shaving although is negligible but will do so to keep him happy. The mirror isn't dry yet.

Have dropped razor onto hand and have cut self. Am officially ticked off now and can feel vein to side of right eye throbbing. Blood coming out at alarming rate now. Will bandage.

Have gotten entire hand wrapped in extra large fluffy towel to stop bleeding on third finger. It still hurts. Must now shave with wrong hand. This is going to go badly.

Have covered numerous parts of face with squares of tissue to stem bleeding. Require after-shave.

Entire face on fire and eyes are watering again. Lifted toweled hand to bat at burning skin only to find that was standing on the end of said towel and have somehow landed on my head against the door. Hair cushioned fall so am relatively unharmed. 

Have toweled the mirror now and can just about make out features although are blurry. Hair has gone utterly flat to my scalp on top as result of fall. Require gel.

Gel on an open wound hurts. Can no longer move third finger due to pain. Hair has some semblance of normalcy to it now so am satisfied. Require deodorant.

Have managed to spray deodorant onto cuts on face and cut on finger. Am going to convince Yugi to get a roll-on one. Fire has returned. Am swearing a lot now.

Must now get dressed. Am used to materializing in clothes so this is going to take some mind-work. Wish hand and face would stop bleeding.

Am now wearing socks and underwear. Am looking dubiously at trousers. 

Have decided that Yugi should not wear tight trousers ever again. Effort necessary to dress in them is too great to be acceptable.

Trousers are on the wrong way around. Try again. Much easier this time. Have re-opened wound on finger again and have stained material but will be tortured by demons before changing. Belt looks worrying.

Have gotten belt through appropriate loops in top of trousers. Have fastened buckle. Buckles on shirt should now be easy as now have had practice.

Was wrong. Have done up buckles wrong so shirt is lopsided. Hand is bleeding so have excuse not to start again and correct. Jacket will just have to be done up to cover it.

Have ripped off top two buckles when realized that Puzzle is under shirt and digging painfully into chest. Chest is bleeding. Shirt is lost cause so now will start on jacket.

Jacket has gotten right arm locked straight above head as left arm has become lodged half-way down the sleeve. Have spun in numerous circles and gotten onto knees to twist body to allow for material to no avail.

Jacket is ripped but it is on. Will need to find coat to cover jacket and shirt despite being summer. Will tell Yugi am concerned about him getting a chill. Yes, plan sounds good. Is all coming together.

Body requires nutritional substances in morning. Mine takes energy from the Puzzle so am new to this too, but have heard Yugi's stomach in the past so will have to feed self to fill him to extent where his gut doesn't sound like a trapped beast.

Have read ReadyBrek instructions. Am concerned about 'central heating for kids' logo though. Worry that some kind of piping is involved which I am positive I do not have. Hopefully will be accepted into shared body as Yugi has eaten this before and therefor will have appropriate pipe-work.

Cannot open microwave. Have hit microwave with spatula and door has popped open. Fear that have broken microwave.

Closed door and pressed dent left by spatula. Door has reopened. It is not broken. Have just made it work better. Microwave now ready for ReadyBrek. Will now make ReadyBrek.

Have followed instructions carefully and have somehow ended up with sloppy mess. Cannot see why Yugi won't allow the mirror to be dirty but will eat this. Have decided that have been through enough in the last hour not to care. Have shoved plate inside microwave.

Nothing is happening.

Have pressed numerous buttons until light inside came on and plate began rotating. Numbers are ticking down on the counter. Unfortunately I cannot read them so do not know if they are correct or not. 

Have decided that machines today are clever and will therefor know when ReadyBrek has been inside for the appropriate time. 

ReadyBrek has been spinning for a long time. Checked buttons that pressed to make ReadyBrek. Cannot decide if was wrong in telling microwave to 'defrost' ReadyBrek.

Have hit machine in haste to remove ReadyBrek in case am destroying it. Microwave still humming so have gotten desperate and shoved it off the counter. Microwave no longer humming. ReadyBrek pasted against window of microwave.

Have made new plate of ReadyBrek and decided that hot ReadyBrek is optional. Pushed microwave and old ReadyBrek mixture under table in hopes that Yugi will not see it.

ReadyBrek tastes strange and makes toes curl. Think that do not have appropriate pipe-work to consume it and have disposed of sludge down sink. Sink now blocked.

Have filled sink with water to soak through block. Grabbed some bread and eaten it for energy. Hope will be enough to last until lunchtime.

Checked Yugi and found him to still be asleep. Can sense that he is still tired so will continue with morning activities until I have to awaken him. School bag requires packing now.

Cannot understand why Yugi has so many books. Do not know which ones are required so will pack them all. 

Bag has burst and books have scattered an impressive distance about the remains. Will find duct-tape and repair.

Bag now repaired and extremely waterproof. Believe have done Yugi a favor as books will not get wet if rains now. Am pleased with work.

Clock indicates that is nearly time to leave for school. Will find shoes.

Cannot find shoes.

Have found single shoe. It is Joey's. Cannot figure this out and it hurts too much to try for too long. Will put it back and forget that ever found shoe.

Have found Yugi's shoes. Shoes have been forced onto feet but pressure is being applied in multiple places and they look strange. Have taken off shoes and swapped them around. Shoes comfortable now and can stand without screaming.

Tripping on laces in first few steps. Have decided that they are dangerous and removed them. Shoes are now airy and move independently of feet. Have decided that I like my boots better.

Lunch for Yugi needs to be packed as Grandpa has left again. Nutrition needed as missed out on breakfast. Have packed ReadyBrek box to make up for loss of 'central heating' this morning. Know that Yugi will know what to do with it. Have enclosed plate and spoon to consume with. 

Have grabbed shiny bag and left house. Am pleased that took time to memorize route to school as Yugi is still asleep and do not wish to pester him for help. 

Have gotten funny looks in the street. Looked in shop window and saw that tissue-squares still attached to face. Am embarrassed but tissue-squares are now removed so all is normal now. Soap hasn't completely soaked into hair yet and wish that had taken time to apply more before leaving the house. 

Has started to rain. Feet are wet and soap has left hair to migrate over face. Mouth tastes soapy again and eyes sting. Hair smells nice though and is shiny. Gel holding it in correct shape. Am pleased that applied extra amounts to extent that can impale small animals on fringe now. Will ensure good hairstyle for Yugi all day long.

Have gotten to school now and am pleased to find that all books are dry. Was carrying ReadyBrek under arm in paper bag though so ReadyBrek is gooey. Yugi will simply have to heat it to make it edible at lunch.

Yugi waking slowly now. Know he will be pleased to find himself clean, dressed, packed and at school. Will go into Soul Room and give Yugi total control of body now. Will sit back and await praise. Hope for a hug later perhaps.

Am confused. 

Yugi came into Soul Room seconds later and I was thumped hard and repeatedly. I think he was upset that I got his ReadyBrek wet.

End

Review! I did this instead of my Bio-Chemisty homework! Appreciate my effort/desperate distraction!

Oh, and the mistaking the pine disinfectant for mouthwash? I've done that; kinda where the inspiration for this story came from.


End file.
